I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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