Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
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