that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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