There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
