I wish they made helmets for livers.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
