My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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