Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Randomize
