Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
