He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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