Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
