I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Randomize