I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
