this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
