no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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