I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
