did you get engaged???
If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
