flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
