hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
