her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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