I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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