Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
