he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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