i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize