When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
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