i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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