Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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