I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
