goodnight i made you a song goodbye
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I think a kid would responsible me up
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
