I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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