The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
