dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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