We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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