TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
