yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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