i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize