Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
