Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
