And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
