She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
