I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
YAS. BRING CRAB.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
