you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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