He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
