i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Randomize
