i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Randomize
