i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
