Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Randomize
