she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize