alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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