You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
