i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
