I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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