There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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