YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Congratulations! We have a period
Randomize
