Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
