then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
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