Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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