I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
