would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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