some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
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