Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
My liver just had a heart attack.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
