I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
