Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
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