And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Randomize
