I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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