Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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