i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Randomize
