I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
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