Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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