Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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